The Perfectionism Trap: Life Coaching for Women With Perfectionism
Here it is again… that driving, uncomfortable, overwhelming feeling that you need to do more, better, and faster, or you’ll never prove your worth.
You want to do well, and you know that things are mostly going your way, but there’s still this voice within, telling you that you are not. doing. ENOUGH. You find yourself people pleasing, and denying your needs, and putting yourself on the back burner.
Perfectionist mindset coaching can help.
Perfectionism has a habit of getting in the way of everything else.
It’s crowding out your view at the drivers seat. It’s constantly telling you that you’re not good enough. That you should be doing more. That people are judging you. That you’re failing yourself
Perfectionism is insidious because it also can feel like a big motivator. You want to do well. You need to succeed. You’ve pushed yourself for a long time already, so what’s a little more?
Perfectionism can be an especially big issue for WOMEN.
As a woman, you have CONSTANTLY been told by society that
you need to take care of others first (or else you’re selfish)
you need to have a pleasing attitude (or else you’re a shrew)
you shouldn’t ask for too much, too loudly (or else you’re a bitch)
Not to say men don’t also suffer from perfectionism! But the hidden piece of it, the maladaptive yet oh so compelling addictiveness of it, comes down to PROVING YOUR WORTH. If I’m the best student/mother/creative on the team, then everyone will finally see that I’m good enough and that I deserve a seat at the table/for my voice to be heard/that I mean something.
But you’ll never prove your worth when you’re constantly looking for outside approval from a patriarchal society, and definitely not when you’re regularly belittling yourself.
When you’re focused on the external markers of success, constantly comparing yourself to others and coming up short, you’re stuck in the Perfectionism Trap.
Wanting to do well, telling yourself the frantic perfectionism is helpful, but always coming up short. Perfectionism can be helpful to a point. We want to use it to our benefit without letting it drive us all the way off track.
You need to turn your external gaze inward and really figure out how to be good enough, without being so reliant an x achievement demonstrated by y people. How do you do that? You have to practice. And you probably need some guidance.
Real advice for anxious, angry, overwhelmed perfectionists.
With over a decade of experience specializing in anxiety work; after writing a book, becoming a mom, and owning a group therapy business; as a recovering perfectionist myself, I know what it takes to turn off the overwhelming perfectionism while still meeting your goals and achieving true success.
Solving problems and building skills.
Through our work together, you’ll learn the tools you need to find your internal sense of calm. We get you to a place of peace and ease through working on your mindset. What big thoughts are getting in your way? How do we turn those around? What are your true values (I bet they don’t include being a type a perfectionist)? How do you live a life aligned with THAT?
Perfectionism doesn’t have to impede your journey. Through solutions-focused, goal oriented coaching, we can help you put perfectionism on the back burner.
Want to work with Kelsey?
Mindset and Mindfulness Coaching:
Coaching is not therapy - but if you’ve already done the clinical work, and you’re looking for supportive services focused on specific targets, you can contact Kelsey over here to send a coaching inquiry.
Kelsey Torgerson Dunn does a beautiful job of helping teens understand the fight response to anxiety
“Finally, a resource for teens that struggle with anxiety that is masked by anger! Anger is an often-misunderstood symptom of anxiety leading to ineffective treatment choices and significant problems in teens’ relationships with others. Kelsey Torgerson Dunn does a beautiful job of helping teens understand the fight response to anxiety, and skilfully guides them - step by step - in learning the choices in coping with these difficult emotions.”
Angela Adamson Springer, LCSW, owner of Calm Mind CBT, LLC in St. Louis, MO; and diplomate and certified trainer consultant of the Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies
No judgment or shame, just practical advice that can be used anywhere
“When Anxiety Makes You Angry gives teens (and parents!) hope. Using exercises that build on one another, Kelsey Torgerson Dunn gently guides teens through the process of understanding their emotions and managing them well. No judgment or shame, just practical advice that can be used anywhere - even in the middle of a busy school day.”
Nicole Schwarz, LMFT, parent coach, owner of Imperfect Families, and author of It Starts with You
